Is sexual satisfaction the final straw for your marriage? Study reveals: Most people "never regret" after having an affair
Most cheaters in movies and TV shows tend to have a strong sense of guilt after an affair occurs. But what happens in real life? A recent study published in the journal “Archives of Sexual Behavior” found that married people who had extramarital affairs had “little regret” about the infidelity and firmly believed that such behavior did not harm the original marriage.
More than half of the subjects were sexually inactive! Is sexual satisfaction the final straw for your marriage?
A research team from Johns Hopkins University in the United States and the University of Western Ontario in Canada selected 2,290 users through the extramarital dating software “Ashley Madison” and conducted a questionnaire survey to explain their marital status, reasons for infidelity, and overall happiness. , the average age of the subjects was 52.77, and most of them were middle-aged men. They said they still loved their partners, but their sexual satisfaction was relatively low.
Most of the subjects have not yet found an affair partner, and the remaining 18–28% reported having had extramarital affairs through dating apps or other means. Some subjects were currently communicating with their affair partner (5–21%), some were meeting their affair partner in person (13–21%), and some were having sex with their affair partner (20–30%).
The study found that subjects generally still love their current partners, but their sexual satisfaction is low: about half of the subjects said they were not sexually active (47-52%), and about 18-27% The cheater sought professional counseling to improve the couple’s relationship. The study also revealed that the most common reasons for cheating are unsatisfaction in sexual life, wanting to regain autonomy, lack of commitment in the relationship, and desire for different sexual partners. Less relevant reasons are lack of love and anger towards the spouse. feelings, neglect by a spouse, and motivations related to the current situation.
Most people cheat to satisfy their sexual needs? Study reveals: Most people “never regret” after having an affair
The research team further analyzed the emotional responses of the subjects and scored them respectively for “sexual satisfaction”, “emotional satisfaction” and “regret” (the full score is 5 points), and found that their sexual satisfaction and emotional satisfaction were relatively high. The scores are 4.5 and 4.2 respectively. In comparison, the degree of regret is very low, only about 1.7 points; and a happy marriage does not make cheaters more likely to regret.
Study author Dylan Selterman said that the results of the experiment showed that “infidelity” does not necessarily involve emotional issues in the relationship; instead, subjects sought out affairs because they wanted novel and exciting sexual experiences, or because they had no feelings for their partners. Strong commitment, not a need for emotional gratification. Surprisingly, most subjects felt no regrets when they cheated.
“It’s really hard to maintain monogamy, or sexual exclusivity, throughout people’s lives. When people commit to someone in a marriage, they take monogamy for granted and assume that the next 50 years “They only had to have sex with one person, and many failed.” That doesn’t mean every relationship is doomed, Selterman said, but cheating may be a common part of relationships.
I have a habit of rationalizing my behavior after cheating! Psychologists reveal the “10 major traits” of people who have affairs
From the above results, we can know that cheaters may be more likely to “rationalize” their extramarital behavior. Is this related to his personality traits? Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a professor of psychology at the University of California, USA, analyzed that common reasons why people cheat in relationships include the following:
In a relationship, the desire to “be needed” is higher.
Easily hide difficulties with emotional intimacy.
Easy to encounter accidental situations, such as drunkenness.
Impulse.
Like to seek excitement.
Lack of empathy.
Fear of aging.
Seek dominance in relationships.
Prefer to differentiate between sexual behavior and romantic relationships, also known as “separation of sex and love.”
Certain personality traits such as narcissism and psychopathy.
Durvasula pointed out that previous meta-studies have shown that cheaters are more likely to “deceive themselves”: In order to strongly deny their infidelity, they are likely to use “I didn’t mean it” and “As long as they are human” after the cheating behavior. We all make mistakes” and “Cheating is not that serious” and other reasons. “Data indicate that changes in self-concept, as a means of justifying one’s behavior, are a common defense strategy used by people to justify their infidelity.”
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