Is it outdated to use "play hard to get" to attract girls? Research: 1 behavior makes people more seasick than playing ambiguous games
“Playing hard to get” and keeping yourself mysterious and creating tension in the relationship are often considered to be one of the effective ways to attract the opposite sex. However, if such flirting techniques are used excessively, it will be counterproductive and push potential partners further away? Research published in “The Journal of Sex Research” shows that people who are too easy or too difficult to be attracted to others are less attractive than those who are “securely attached.”
Is it obsolete to use “play hard to get” to attract girls? Research: 1 Behavior makes people more attractive
The research was initiated by Princeton University in the United States and Concordia University in Canada. The research team analyzed 18 previous studies on “playing hard-to-get” behavior and measured studies on dating outcomes, such as whether the romantic partner is attractive and whether they are willing to have sex with them. Eight studies focused on hard-to-get dating strategies, seven studies examined dating uncertainty, and the final three studies related to dating difficulty.
A review and analysis of the above-mentioned studies shows that having “uncertain” thoughts about potential romantic partners does make them more attractive; those who like to play hard to get may also be more popular, and people may be more willing to invest time in them and money. However, in the results of this analysis, those who responded directly to the other person’s emotional wishes and clarified their romantic intentions were more charming and more attractive than those who played hard to get.
Study author Lori Hazel pointed out that although playing hard to get may be a potential effective strategy to attract ambiguous targets, occasionally releasing ambiguous messages may be a better approach than “constant use.” “The higher the level of uncertainty and difficulty perceived by the other party, the less effective the hard-to-get approach may be.” In other words, those who are too easy or too difficult to be attracted to others are not welcomed in the emotional world.
Are anxiously attached people more susceptible to emotional manipulation? 4 Attachment Trait Responses to Play-To-Get
In addition, psychological “attachment traits” will affect the results of playing hard to get. For example, people with “anxious attachment” are characterized by a fear of abandonment, a need for constant commitment, and a tendency to be overly dependent on their partner. People with “avoidant attachment” desire independence and fear intimacy. Hazel said that based on the analysis results, those with avoidant attachments or women are more likely to use hard-to-get tactics; those with anxious attachments or those with difficulty are more likely to pursue a partner who is good at playing hard-to-get.
“Ambivalent attachment people are also a group who are good at playing hard to get, but they will become more anxious after alienating each other. In contrast, secure attachment people are less willing to play hard to get, but keep a certain distance while gradually getting closer. “Distance from each other.” Hazel believes that avoidant partners use play to determine the compatibility of potential partners and try to manipulate them to maintain social status. Anxious partners will pursue partners who are difficult to get along with to satisfy their desire to conquer.
Hazel emphasized that this study on hard-to-get behaviors is based on traditional gender roles, and may have limitations such as insufficient sample size and non-diversity of the gender of the research subjects. “Specifically, traditional gender stereotypes view men as dominant and women as more passive. ‘Cultural scripts’ such as these reinforce the notion that playing hard to get will succeed, rather than that this strategy is actually attractive to others. "
8 dangerous attachment traits! How do people who are prone to seasickness build a partnership?
The “anxious attachers” mentioned in the above research are easily attracted to avoidant attachers who are good at playing hard to get, causing them to become “seasick” in the sea of love and develop an unsafe attachment relationship. According to the American medical media “WebMD”, people with anxious attachment are more likely to have the following personalities:
Fear of the other person’s anger
Being overly concerned about the other person’s feelings
Need constant and repeated comfort
Extremely high emotional needs
Particularly clingy in relationships
Be obsessed with or pay too much attention to someone
Excessive desire for intimacy
Easily feel jealous
“WebMD” states that if people with anxious attachment want to establish a safe and healthy relationship, it is recommended to first learn how to express emotions and clearly put forward their own needs, which will help maintain the relationship; for example, understanding each other’s postures, gestures and other unusual behaviors. Verbal cues can help understand your partner’s feelings. In addition, if there have been problems in past interpersonal relationships, it is best to have a conversation with a psychological counselor or psychiatrist, which can help resolve painful experiences in early childhood.
Finally, it is recommended that anxiously attached people establish romantic relationships with “securely attached people” because the emotional stability of this group helps anxiously attached people understand how stable and secure relationships work. “WebMD” also believes that anxiously attached people should try to establish friendships with people who have strong self-esteem and clear boundaries, which may also be helpful for future partnerships.
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