A famous actor disappeared from the world after having an affair! A psychologist analyzes the man's behavior: escaping after a breakup is "not only shameful but also useless"
A Taiwanese actor was caught making out with a well-known R&B female singer by a river while his partner was working abroad. This scene was revealed by the media, symbolizing emotional betrayal and the collapse of public image. After the actor’s girlfriend learned about the incident, she returned to Taiwan sadly and faced the broken relationship. The actor hurriedly moved out of the same residence on the eve of the news and disappeared to avoid direct confrontation. Here I have compiled the reasons for breaking up that I have heard over the years and summarized different personality traits, so that you can better understand the other person’s true appearance when facing emotional pressure:
Type 1: Escape and disappear, disappear from the world
Avoidant people often seem to evaporate when they break up. They not only avoid meeting each other, but even disappear without leaving a single word. When the lover finally finds him after many difficulties, he eagerly asks: “Why didn’t you call me?” The avoidant person will still remain silent and refuse to explain. This situation is particularly highlighted by the experience of a female friend. She and her fiancé had taken wedding photos, but suddenly lost contact with each other.
She went from worrying about his safety to falling into deep anxiety, not understanding the cruel behavior of the other party, recalling every bit of the past in pain, unable to fall in love for a long time, and losing confidence in love. Avoidant people often appear irresponsible when under stress and handle conflict, choosing to avoid communication. Research shows that even though they choose to escape, they are often deeply depressed and not at ease after a breakup.
Type 2: Appealing to emotions, afraid of seeing the other person’s angry or sad expression
People who are afraid that the other party will be angry or sad often use a gentle tone to emphasize their care when breaking up, saying: “I still care about you, but I don’t see you as often as before.” They may even promise: “You can contact me at any time if you need it. “This kind of person is afraid of causing the other party’s displeasure, and often feels guilty, trying to reduce the emotional harm with emotional appeals.
They focus on appeasing each other, but neglect to express their decisions clearly, which often gives the other party false expectations that there is still a chance to get back together. This kind of behavior often leads to a relationship in a state of “high bid, low deal”. Breaking up is constantly mentioned in words, but in fact it is difficult to achieve an end. During consultations, such people will repeatedly ask the psychologist how they should communicate to avoid irritating the other party. Sometimes they even try to make up for it with money or other material means, or wish the other party to find a more suitable partner in the future.
Type 3: Worry about being unfair to your lover
When dating, you will emphasize “fairness”. When breaking up, you will analyze the pros and cons of the relationship from the perspective of the other person: “You have been so good to me, and it will be unfair to you if you continue like this.” Or sincerely repent: “You “Great, I’m not worthy of you.” They even honestly say: “I can’t lie to you, I really don’t love you as much as you do.” On the surface, they are considerate of each other, but in fact they ignore their lover’s feelings. and willingness.
Because “fairness” is often a subjective feeling and difficult to quantify specifically, it often makes the other party feel: “I don’t care anymore, you still care about fairness and suitability.” According to my observation, people generally care about " People who are “fair or unfair” and require that “each other’s contributions and gains must be proportional” are most likely afraid that others will be “unfair” to them. They also pay attention to the “return on investment” when managing relationships and do not like “unilateral contributions.” a feeling of.
Type 4: Attributing relationship failure to fate
When people with a fatalistic view break up, they often blame fate for the breakup of their relationship, saying: “This is all fate, we are destined to miss each other in this life” or “I owe you what I owe you in this life, and I will pay it back to you in the next life.” The famous psychologist Yang Guoshu has conducted in-depth research on the impact of fate on interpersonal relationships. He found that when people’s love relationships bring pain and failure, they tend to think that it is because of “no chance for each other” or “bad fate” rather than their own. Personality or behavioral problems.
This “external attribution” approach helps protect yourself from excessive self-blame or blaming your partner. On the other hand, blaming oneself for the cause may cause negative emotions such as self-blame, anxiety, and shame, making people sink into the depression of self-examination. Although attributing the reason for breakup to “no fate” can protect the soul, it may also lead to blaming all relationship problems on fate, avoiding self-reflection and responsibility, and ultimately forming a blind spot in love.
Type 5: Good words to persuade you to break up rationally
People who are persuasive will come up with various reasons to persuade their lover when they break up: “I am too young and don’t want to settle down yet.” Or comfort the other person: “Even if we break up, we can still be friends.” Or give the other person some love. Hope: “It will be better for our relationship to develop when we are more mature before we fall in love.” Or find a way out of the current predicament: “We will argue constantly now because we spend too much time together, which is why there is so much friction. It’s better to separate for a while and decide the future after settling down.”
Or affirm the other person’s advantages: “You are in good condition and can find someone better.” Each reason sounds reasonable and belongs to a “rational” lover. If both parties are very rational, they can reach a consensus; vice versa. , if you meet a “sentimental” lover, you will feel that the persuasive type is too bloodless and tearless, how can they break up so easily.
Type Six: It’s all your fault, it’s all your fault
Lovers who say “It’s all because of your bad type” will put the responsibility of “unhappiness” or “the relationship can’t continue” on their lover when they break up, and then conclude: “I think separation is the best choice.” , otherwise both parties will suffer.” Some people angrily accuse the other party: “It’s really stressful to get along with you.” Some people are disappointed and accuse the other party: “Forget it, I don’t want to change for you anymore, it’s better to break up. " or “You won’t change, I gave you many opportunities.”
Some people get angry and yell: “I’ve had enough, I don’t want to endure it anymore.” After some partners hear their breakup excuses, they will take on the “breakup responsibility” and try to “change themselves” to meet their expectations, but no matter No matter how hard you try to correct it, a lover who says “you are a bad type” will make the other person feel: “The problem cannot be solved, and the relationship will only get worse.” In fact, breaking up is not a one-sided responsibility, so no matter how wronged you are, you can’t help it. Continue the heat of the relationship.
Type 7: I’m not good enough
Compared with lovers who say “You are not a good type”, lovers who are “I am not a good enough type” seem to be more introspective. However, if you hear what they say, your thoughts may be different: “You are not a good type” “Great, I’m not good enough for you.” Or it’s an expression of frustration: “I can’t respond to your kindness.” Many people feel speechless when they hear this reason for breaking up: “Since I’m so good, why don’t you You are trying to make yourself better, but you want to break up with me.” What is even more heartbreaking is: “I have no feelings for you anymore, let’s break up!” Or sincerely say: “Be with me, you. You won’t be happy, so leave as soon as possible!” Faced with emotional setbacks, they just want to end the relationship but don’t think of a solution, which sometimes makes people feel helpless.
Type 8: Make your lover hate you for breaking up with yourself
When some people want to break up, they will give “the control of the breakup” to the other party. Most of them will not spend time and energy to appease their lover, but will try to arouse their lover’s emotions as much as possible to speed up the breakup. For example, they will first make the other person angry, and then ask the other person: “You are very angry, right?” If the other person answers “yes”, which is exactly what they want, they will immediately say: “Since you are so disrespectful, I’m happy, let’s break up.” The other party was speechless. Some people take advantage of the other person’s guilt and show a “lifeless” look, making the other person feel unbearable and take the initiative to break up.
Many clients have told me that the way their lover breaks up with me is exactly the same as the way his ex broke up. If I had known he would treat me like this, I shouldn’t have dated him in the first place, and I don’t have to suffer now. From the “reason for breaking up” adopted by the other party, we can see how he copes with interpersonal pressure, whether he has the ability to handle conflicts, whether he can be honest with himself and his lover, and his level of emotional maturity, which is very accurate. Therefore, you might as well check yourself to see whether you would choose the above reasons for breaking up, and which method your lover used to break up with his ex. I believe it will be of great help to long-term relationship management.
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