The divorce issue of Wang Xiaofei and Big S is spreading! A psychologist analyzes the man's personality: He is very self-reliant but has a "glass heart"
Well-known artist Xu Xiyuan (Big S) recently remarried Korean star Goo Junye, and her interaction with her ex-husband Wang Xiaofei has also become the focus of the media. Psychologist Lin Zhaoxian, chairman of the Hsinchu Clinical Psychologists Association and current clinical psychologist at MiMi Psychotherapy Center, said in an interview that Wang Xiaofei’s series of statements and actions after marriage may be the manifestation of an “unstable high self-esteem personality” trait.
Wang Xiaofei’s words attract big S’s attention! Psychologists reveal the man’s traits: unstable “high self-esteem personality”
“Research has analyzed groups of domestic violence partners and found that they exhibit “unstable high self-esteem personality”. To put it bluntly, they are “very self-reliant” but also have a “glass heart”!” Lam Zhaoxian Psychology The teacher pointed out that when individuals are involved in a marriage or partnership, they may not necessarily know that they have an “irrational” side; and Wang Xiaofei’s behavior is exactly the result of “exposing” irrationality and anger.
Psychologist Lin Zhaoxian explained that public figures are outstanding in a certain field and are easily sought after by everyone, and their work content is often related to maintaining their image. “Therefore, when the marriage scandal was brought to the stage, or the news of Big S’s remarriage spread to all walks of life, Wang Xiaofei undoubtedly accepted a lot of public opinion pressure and media scrutiny, which made her self-esteem injured or jealous. This may be the reason for the whole incident. The breaking point of the incident.”
Psychologist Lin Zhaoxian gave an example. For example, the previous “mattress incident” may have revealed Wang Xiaofei’s strong sense of jealousy and the projection of many dissatisfactions towards the Big S couple. In addition, the alimony controversy and the public discussion of Big S’s previous boyfriends are Wang Xiaofei’s way of establishing a sense of superiority by “belittling each other”, which is actually to make up for the hurt in her inner self-esteem.
Is violent words a sign of “injured self-esteem”? 3. Personality trait “anger value” is easy to explode
“This kind of ‘overt anger’ is not necessarily a manifestation of psychological illness. However, it has been clinically found that specific personality traits may aggravate such anger.” Psychologist Lin Zhaoxian pointed out that such as the self-concept of “borderline personality”, Emotional ups and downs, interpersonal relationships, and other three aspects are unstable; “dramatic personality” habitually attracts attention through violent words or actions. “Narcissistic personality” is also common in the group of horror lovers. Once they feel disrespected or refuted by their partner, they will also have a strong sense of anger.
Psychologist Lin Zhaoxian emphasized that although this group only accounts for about 3% of the total population, even if they are not divorced, they are prone to showing exaggerated and explicit emotions in marriage relationships. These horrible lovers may not necessarily meet the diagnosis of mental illness, but when their self-esteem is injured and jealousy is at work, they are more likely to express fierce words, display a desire for control, and even engage in aggressive behavior.
What are the common causes of divorce in Taiwan? In addition to extramarital affairs, is there also “lovelorn love within marriage”?
What are the reasons why Taiwanese couples often divorce? Will you talk to a psychologist before divorce? Psychologist Lin Zhaoxian said that when partners come to the clinic for consultation, they often have already considered divorce and feel that the marriage cannot survive. But the reasons are all bizarre. “Recently, a wife wanted to immigrate to the United States because the political party she supported lost in the election. She had a huge quarrel with her husband, a civil servant, and even got divorced!”
Excluding specific cases, psychologist Lin Zhaoxian analyzed that most of the reasons why Taiwanese couples divorce are related to “lack of love within marriage” or “affair.” Falling out of love within marriage means that both partners have lost their passion or feeling of liking each other. Even though they live in the same room, they feel like strangers to each other. “Whether it’s a breakup in marriage or an affair, it means both parties have many problems in getting along before they consider divorce.”
When your partner consults, you don’t want to make peace or divorce? Psychologist: “Finding consensus” is the core job
Psychologist Lin Zhaoxian emphasized that the work of couples counseling is not simply “persuading peace” or “persuading divorce”; on the contrary, psychologists will help identify communication blind spots or build communication bridges with words acceptable to both parties. “The couple may hope that the other party can make adjustments, but they cannot meet each other’s expectations; or they may be surprised to find that the difference in values is too great after getting married. At this time, they would like to have a good talk with one of them first, and talk individually for 1-2 hours Let’s look for the crux of the matter on both sides.”
Take “not having sex” as an example. Men tend to have more straightforward ideas and believe that sex is an obligation that a legal couple should perform. Why does the woman refuse in every possible way? But from the woman’s perspective, there may be many reasons but they cannot be explained. “For example, the feelings towards the man have faded and the passion is no longer there; or she is in physical pain and is ashamed to talk about it. These factors are all included in the evaluation of couple consultation. among.”
In general, psychologist Lin Zhaoxian explained that the purpose of couples consultation is to gather consensus, values and needs of both parties. He emphasized that marriage is not a love affair, but a process of “mutual compromise” between both parties. It may not be a happy process for everyone, but making timely concessions is the key to maintaining a relationship. “One party’s request may originally be 10 points, but can it be compromised to 7 points for the sake of marriage? This can all be communicated through psychological consultation.”
And can psychotherapy improve couples’ relationships? Psychologist Lin Zhaoxian emphasized that in fact, the wishes of both partners are still the decisive factor. If both parties want the marriage to continue, they can help deal with more complex emotions, such as personal trauma and the impact of the family of origin; or one of the parties faces trust issues after an affair and needs to repair the foundation of mutual trust between the parties. “Marriage requires “deliberate management”. Both parties must actively find the feeling of being in the same boat. Sometimes two people want to continue, but their efforts are in the wrong direction.”
How to adjust your mentality after divorce? Psychologists call for starting from “two major aspects”
If the relationship between the two parties cannot last and they decide to divorce, what measures can be taken to help yourself get out of the haze as soon as possible? Psychologist Lin Zhaoxian suggests that after divorcing or breaking up with your partner, you can make adjustments in two major aspects: “mindset” and “life routine”:
1. Mental adjustment
Don’t dwell on right and wrong. Marriage is an “account that is difficult to settle” and it is difficult to say who is right and who is wrong. Therefore, after divorce, both parties should avoid getting into a war of words. There is no obvious benefit in arguing about right and wrong. We should also avoid hurting each other’s self-esteem and stimulating each other to become a “vindictive couple.” If there is any issue of responsibility, we can resort to law to make the best decision.
Avoid jumping right into your next relationship. Many couples may experience intense pain and loss after separation, and may want to immediately jump into the next relationship, such as a flash marriage, making boyfriend or girlfriend, etc. Mentally, you may want to use love to heal, or emphasize the insignificance of your ex-partner. In fact, such a move is unnecessary and unfair to the new partner. It is recommended that you fully settle your emotions before investing in the next relationship.
2. Life adjustment
Sort out interpersonal relationships. Marriage involves complex interpersonal relationships such as children, in-laws or friends, including whether you should bring your children to meet the parents of your ex-partner during the Chinese New Year? All can be sources of stress after divorce. Therefore, you should take time to think about your self-positioning after divorce and slowly find your new identity, rhythm and life.
Rearrange the pace of your life. Including chatting more with relatives and friends, looking for new interests, and pursuing things that you were afraid to do or inconvenient to do when you were married, you can bravely pursue after divorce. Rearranging new hobbies and relationships into your life will not only help change your mood, but also turn your attention to the things you really care about, rather than the previous relationship.
Finally, psychologist Lin Zhaoxian encourages divorced couples not to regard the breakdown of their marriage as the result of “failure” or to feel inferior because of their divorce; instead, they can regard it as a kind of “homework”, which is an exercise in getting close to themselves and letting themselves go. Your own transition period into becoming a better partner. During this period, you might as well try to clarify the responsibilities on your shoulders and your own needs. When the two are balanced, you will be more compatible and comfortable with your new partner in the future.
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