Why do you keep dating "horrible lovers"? Are warm men actually dangerous? Psychologist names 3 things that are "shocky" before dating
Are “warm men and warm women” a potentially scary lover type? Be careful of falling into the other party’s “emotional blackmail” trap
Recently, celebrities in politics, business and entertainment have been involved in relationship scandals, which has attracted public attention to the issue of “terrible lovers”. Psychologist Xu Naiwen, a clinical psychologist at Mifan Psychotherapy Center, said that in fact, everyone has the potential to become a horrible lover, and the difference only lies in the degree and mode. In addition to abnormal behaviors and emotions that warrant increased vigilance, psychologists also remind that if a “warm man” or “warm woman” overly displays caring and caring for no special reason, sometimes he or she is someone who needs special attention.
Psychologist Xu Naiwen said that if a partner provides unnecessary care, a strong “desire for control” may be at work behind it. When the other party’s contribution far exceeds your own needs, it becomes more difficult to escape the other party’s control. Partners are even prone to the emotional blackmail mentality of “I’m so good to you, why do you make me sad?”
Why do I often encounter “horrible lovers”? Please avoid these “3 misunderstandings” before dating
Psychologist Xu Naiwen believes that if you often associate with a partner who is impulsive and prone to violent behavior, you need to examine whether you have committed the following wrong behaviors before dating:
Communicate without being familiar enough. Psychologist Xu Naiwen urges that when choosing a partner, do not decide to get involved in a relationship after knowing each other for a few days or weeks. It is a more appropriate choice to get along with your partner fully before dating.
The social circle is arbitrarily weakened. Psychologist Xu Naiwen said that if your partner does not let you participate in his social circle, the communication mode will always be only two people getting along, and you should be aware that it may be a sign of strong “possessiveness”. Don’t think of this kind of possessiveness as a type of “romantic relationship”; on the contrary, the other person may use it to weaken your social circle and support system.
Like the feeling of being protected. Why do so many people repeatedly fall into the arms of horrible lovers? Psychologist Xu Naiwen analyzed that people who want to be cared for and protected in their hearts tend to form relationships with “strong” and “powerful” partners. People who behave excessively are also a high-risk group for fearful lovers, and can easily fall into a vicious cycle of unhealthy relationships. , you should review your mentality or seek counseling assistance in a timely manner after ending the relationship.
What “personality traits” are likely to make someone a horrible lover? How to protect yourself when you meet a scary lover?
Psychologist Xu Naiwen said that some people are less sensitive to emotions or lack empathy, which is a type of mental illness clinically and is related to the innate brain structure, but it does not mean that they will definitely become terrorists in the future. lover. However, within the diagnostic category of “personality disorder”, there are indeed certain behavioral traits that have a higher chance of becoming a horrible lover.
Psychologist Xu Naiwen pointed out that people with “borderline personality” are characterized by “dare to love and hate” and are used to attracting attention through violent words or actions; people with “dramatic personality” will show excessive drama and relatively unstable self. . If you have a combination of borderline personality and dramatic personality, you will easily develop into a typical horrible lover.
Finally, psychologist Xu Naiwen suggested that when entering a relationship, if you find that you have put in a lot of effort, but the other party is still not satisfied, and therefore feel that you are unable to do what you want, you should look back and examine whether the relationship is harmful to you, or seek counseling and assistance as early as possible. If the other party threatens you with words and violent behavior, you should take the following three steps to protect yourself:
Put personal safety first. If the other party is already mentally unstable and unable to communicate, do not use words or violence to provoke the other party. There is no need to show off your quickness.
Expand your social circle. Everyone needs to have their own support system. When you really encounter a scary lover, you will have more resources to turn to.
After ending the relationship, timely intervene in psychological counseling to organize your thoughts to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future and falling into the control of the horrible lover again.
